i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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