The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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