Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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