yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
