i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
