I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
