Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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