what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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