Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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