I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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