you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
