I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
