WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
