dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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