phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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