Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
