dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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