So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
