Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
