Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
