I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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