I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize