Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize