I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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