One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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