i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
