Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
