it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize