i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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