Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
