That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you never un-have a 4some
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
