Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
