I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Randomize
