Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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