She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
