I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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