tell your sister to shave her snatch
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
