I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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