she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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