just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
soo... how was my night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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