i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
