How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
