i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
