He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
