idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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