it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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