you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
