Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
