Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
