i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
