ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We were destined to go to rehab together
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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