Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
