You work out of a Hotel?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
