Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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