Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
