what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
