Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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