Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
