Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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