his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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