Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
