Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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