Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
