It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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