If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize