you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
