i would punch a child for taco bell
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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