Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
A bitchslap is in order.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
