I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
