I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
