i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize