Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dicks are not precious.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
