walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
